Grace Her Fears Relieved: My Wife’s Salvation Testimony

Today my wife and I are joining Cornerstone Baptist Church of Anacortes, Washington—if the people will have us. As I proofread my wife’s testimony of salvation through Christ, I knew I had to share it on the blog. I do so by permission.

DSC_5715I was not born into a believing family. My parents were successful people, but very far from God. God used their personal struggles to humble them, though they sought first for moral reform through the Mormon church.

But God pursued them still, and when I was 7 my parents were both converted. I’m thankful I was at an age where I could see and process what was happening to our family. The change was dramatic, though not smooth. I saw the cost my parents experienced as they began to follow Christ—and God in His mercy gave me a soft heart to respond to the gospel.

Around the age of nine I began to desire salvation, but because we were in a church that was weak I struggled with confidence in my relationship with God. I prayed regularly to be saved, but as the years went on I became more fearful in my doubt.

At the age of 13 I shared my struggle with my parents, and my dad read John 3 with me and I prayed yet again for God to forgive me for my sin. But the next morning I vividly recall waking up and crying as I realized the uncertainty was still there.

This began a downward spiral of fear and doubt. I reached a low point at the age of 16, when I was so filled with anxiety about the state of my soul that I was unable to eat or sleep normally for weeks on end. My health suffered from the intense strain. My focus was so inward, looking for evidence of Christian growth but always seeing sin marring even my best motives. I had for so many years tried to fix my lack of assurance by meeting with biblical counsellors, walking aisles, getting baptized, doing anything and everything I could—but my real problem was simply a lack of understanding about the nature of God and His disposition toward me. I simply had to take Him at His word, and rest in His commitment to see Jesus’s sacrifice for sin when He looks at me.

It took many months of poring over the Bible in utter desperation, seeking to replace my anxious, erroneous thoughts with God’s true ones. But one beautiful day, I realized with amazement that I wasn’t governed by that doubt anymore. It was a gradual process, but in the end, I could say like David in the Psalms, God truly had delivered me from all my fears.

Mark Ward

PhD in NT; theological writer for Faithlife; former high school Bible textbook author for BJU Press; husband; father; ultimate frisbee player; member of the body of Christ.


  1. Wesley on November 30, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I’ve got a 7 year old son in the midst of what your wife is describing. His way of expressing it is, “How do I know if I believe? How do I know if I’m in the book of life?” He’s very aware that God is in charge of it all, but instead of this providing comfort, it gives him uncertainty. Any suggestions on how I can be used as a means to help him turn that corner, from someone who’s been in his shoes, would be appreciated. Perhaps it requires some maturing and truly realizing he hasn’t any control of anything, even when he thinks he does. In the mean time we’ll continue reading God’s Word, singing his praise, and praying.

  2. Jason Matthews on November 30, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Amen. I’ve a similar testimony. I’ve prayed the sinners prayer many times too. I also had to put off the the wrong thoughts about God. It was a gradual process for me to gain victory over doubts. It was grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved. John 6:37 became my anchor. All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.

  3. Tom on December 9, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    It was so good to hear Laura’s testimony that Sunday. (And yours too of course). Thanks for posting this! And welcome to the membership, too!

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