Approximately 30 different sites on the Internet make reference to the “five tenants of Calvinism.”
None of them, however, has revealed who those five tenants are.
So now, for the first time in the history of the Internet, I will reveal every one of the five tenants:
- John Calvin – room “T”
- Jonathan Edwards – room “U”
- Charles Spurgeon – room “L”
- Abraham Kuyper – room “I”
- John Piper – room “P” (he also rents rooms “B” and “D”, according to the records)
Some uncomfortable questions are left unanswered, however, I admit. Like how much rent do they pay? Is the actual apartment complex in Geneva, New Haven, or Minneapolis? Do the four dead ones have some kind of permanent arrangement? Are those 30 websites trying to hide these five identities from us, or do they just not know?
Disclaimer: We all have our typos and malapropisms! I do not post this in order to reflect negatively on Calvinists or Armenians! Please believe me! Words just delight me, that’s all. =)